Ammon Wrigley - "Donty's Supperin' Do"
The following is a transcription of a work by Saddleworth poet Ammon Wrigley (1861-1946).
Donty's Supperin' Do
- Now if yo’ll mak’ a less noise an’ hearken a bit,
- Aw’ll just try an’ tell yo’ an owd Saddleworth skit;
- It’s true as the gospel, what Awm going to tell,
- But Aw want yo’ to promise it’s kept to yersel:
- Well there wur Junter an’ yon’ Jamie o’ th’ Low,
- Now those are two warm uns as Aw guess yo’ know;
- For eatin’ an’ drinkin’ they’re bad uns to lick,
- For they'll tak’ i’ owt oather deeud or wick;
- They ne’er do mich wark for it’s nowt i’ their line,
- Unless it’s shiftin’ some ale they can manage that fine.
- Well one neet at th’ Heights they met Donty o’ th’ Broo,
- “Eh lads,” he said, “Awm fain to meet wi’ yo’ two.
- “For Aw’ve catched a grand hare as ever a mon seed,
- “If yo’ come up to my heause yo’ shall ha’ a good feed.”
- “That’s just what we’re wantin’,” said Junter some glad,
- “It is that,” said Jamie, “an’ thank yo’ owd lad.
- “If we come up at noon Aw guess it'll be o reet,”
- “Oh, come to yo’r supper to morrow at neet.”
- When neet came next day they were oni’ good time,
- “Eh lads,” said old Dont, “now this is just prime.”
- “It’s a bit too luscious, Aw think it’s too rich,
- “Now yo’ll mak’ yorsel ill if yo’ get too mich.
- “Aw’ve skimmed o th’ fat off as weel as Aw could.”
- “Ne’er mind th’ fat,” said Junter,”Aw’ll bet it’s good,
- “Let’s sample it, owd lad, where is there a spoon?
- “By gad Awm some hungry, Aw’ve been trainin’ sin’ noon.”
- So Junter dipped th’ spoon in an’ his lips went smack,
- “Eh Jamie, Jamie, owd lad, we’ll gie this some whack.”
- “Now yo’r welcome,” said Dont, “do th’ best ’at yo’ can
- “There’s weshin’ mug full an’ plenty i’ th’ pan;
- “Aw havn’t mich ale an’ yo’ll want mony a quart,
- “Aw’ll go up to th’ Heights while yo’re makin’ a start.”
- So they collared their spoons an’ they off at top speed,
- “By the gadlins,” said Jamie, ‘“Aw’ve ne’er had sich a feed.”
- But Junter ne’er spoke, for he kept ladin’ it in
- Till a stream o’ warm fat ran off at his chin;
- An’ Jamie wur puffin’ an’ blowin’ for wind,
- For fear he wur gettin’ a spoonful behind:
- “Yo’r goin’ to’ fast, lad, go slower,” Jamie said,
- “As long as this lasts,” said Junter, “Awm goin’ ahead.”
- So they stuck to their work, shifting platefuls of fat,
- Till their faces were covered wi’ grease an’ swat:
- Jamie looked into th’ pan an’ slapped hold o’ th’ yed
- “Aw’ll mak’ this look less in a minute,” he said.
- They seawked every boan till it wur white as snow,
- “Eh, owd lad,” said Junter, “we never wur i’ sich blow.”
- “It’s been grand,” said Jamie, but yo’ know Aw can see
- “Yo’ve had a good share, two bowls more than me;
- “An’ Aw thowt we wur mates an’ it doesn’t look fair,
- “Aw feel a bit vexed Junter, Aw havn’t had my share.”
- “Now Jamie yo’d same chance as me,” said Junter some sly
- “When there’s hare soup i’ my bowl Aw mak it fly.”
- When Dont landed back fro’ th’ Heights wi’ his ale,
- Two plateful of bones wur left to tell th’ tale;
- He stared at his guests an’ then he ripped eaut:
- “Is there nowt i’ that pan, have Aw been left beawt?”
- “That’s it,” said Junter, ‘“there’s noather broth nor nowt,
- “We'd licked it o up before we gav’ it a thowt;”
- “It’s o reet” said Donty, “if there wur noan to spare,
- “But Aw could ha’ liked a spoonful o’ that brown hare;”
- “It wur Junter,” said Jamie, “he wur two bowls i’ th’ front,
- “Aw tried to catch up but Aw wur never i’ th’ hunt;”
- ‘Well how’s it gone down lads?” Dont said a bit rough,
- “Wur it middlin’ tender, had Aw boiled it enough?”
- “Like a chicken,” said Junter, “we’d no need to cut,
- “It melted i’ th’ mouth mon as sweet as a nut;
- “Aw shall do a three week an’ ne’er want to bite
- “It’s a while sin’ my singlet wur half so tight.”
- An’ how’s Jamie,” said Dont, “has he had a tuck in?”
- “Feel here,”said Jamie, “yo’ll know where Aw bin.”
- Then they drew up to th’ fire an’ th’ ale went round
- An’ they sat like two kings ’at wur just new crowned;
- Then Jamie said, “Dont, Aw’ll tell yo’ what owd lad:
- Yo’r cur dog’s getten th’ mange an’ getten it bad.
- He wur scratchin’ i’ th’ fowd tother day when aw passed,
- “Well he’s done wi’,” said Dont, “he’s finished at last;
- “An’ nowas yo’r talkin’ Aw'll just show his skin,
- “Aw been thinkin’ o’ curin’ it but th’ yure’s a bit thin;
- “Aw would do,” said Jamie, “ne’er heed it being bare,
- “It'll look very weel thrown o’er th’ back o’ yer chair;
- “He’s been a rare tenter, never a better i’ th’ broo,
- “An’ for sheep an’ ceaws he wur worth onny two.”
- “Eh Laddie,” said Junter, so gentle an’ soft,
- “Thou’s followed me down th’ meadow some oft;
- “An’ thou’s capered about an’ run at mi side,
- “Awm sorry, owd dog, that Awm strokin’ thi hide.”
- “Did yo’ drown him,” asked Jamie, “wi’ a stone in a seck,
- “Or hanged him i’ th’ barn wi’ a rope round his.neck?”
- “An’ where’s he buried, let’s be knowing his fate?”
- ‘“What’s left o’ owd Laddie are those bones o’ that plate,
- “Yo’ve hetten him between yo’, yo’re full o’ good keep,
- “So wesh him down lads, drink hearty and deep.”
- But Junter turned yollow an’ Jamie turned blue,
- An’ yed first out o’ th’ durhole both of ’em flew;
- They lurched across th’ fowed both pumpin’ th’ ship,
- Till there wur heawks under th’ fence like a Council tip;
- An’ they stuck to th’ rails for o wur goin’ round,
- An’ lumps o’ owd Laddie kept leetin’ on th’ ground;
- An’ Jamie wur heaving as if he wur ne’er goin’ to stop,
- “Oh Lord o’ me, Aw wish this owd cur dog wur op;
- “Aw’ll bet i’ th’ morn Aw shall be deeud as a nail,
- “An’ what labber Aw made i’ seawkin’ its tail.”
- “He’s done us,” said Junter, “It tasted a bit strong,
- “Aw’ve ne’er seen a brown hare wi’ a tail so long,
- “An’ look at its yed mon it wur as big as a ceaw,
- “Aw wish that damned Donty had a bally full now.”
- “Oh dear o’ me,” said Jamie, “Oh Lord, Aw connut abide,
- “To think Aw’ve an’ owd cur dog i’ mi’ inside;
- “A mangy owd cur dog an’ blind o’ one ee,
- “How Aw piked its greyt yed, O good Lord o’ me.”
- When Junter gat wom he wur lookin’ some queer,
- “Hello,” said his wife, ‘“th’ owd leatheryed’s here.”
- ‘Wherever hasto been thou drunken owd foo?”
- “Eh Mally,” he said, “yond cur dog o’ Dont’s i’ th’ Broo
- “It’s finished me, owd lass, Awm cockin’ mi toes,
- “Aw’ve been a good husband to thee thou knows;
- “We’ve hetten yon cur dog, me an’ Jamie o’ th’ Low
- “Awm chock full o’ whelps an’ Jamie’s full an’ o;
- “Aw’ve been a good fayther to our little Ben,
- “Be sharp wi that bucket, Awm startin’ agen.”
- She ran into th’ kitchen damprate she swore,
- As a pound o’ owd Laddie let soss on the floor;
- “Aw’ll rub thi nose in it,” in a passion, she cried,
- “Get thi yed o’er th’ bucket thou’ll have it to side.
- “An’ upstairs thou foo an’ thou lie bi thisel,
- Aw’ve enough of it here, Awm poisoned wi’ th’ smell.”
- “If Aw start o’ barkin’ an’ worryin’ i’ th’ bed,
- “Thou mun run for th’ doctor an’ th’ parson.” he said.
- Well he crope up to bed but ne’er winked o’ sleep,
- He kept seein’ owd Laddie round th’ bed chamber creep.
- When Jamie lurched wom he catched it some wot,
- “Just look at thi cloas, thou ornerary owd sot;
- “An’ thou’ll wesh ’em for they’re covered wi’ swill.”
- “Aw want doctor,” said Jamie, “Eh Bet Awm some ill,
- “Awm some poorly, owd wench’ Awm nearly done o’er.”
- “Shut thi mouth,” said Bet, “Aw yerd that tale before,
- “It’s owd wench at neet when thou’rt poorly wi’ drink,
- ‘An’ when thou gets weel Aw con oather swim or sink.”
- “Aw’st get weel no more an’it’s o mi own fote,
- “For Awm full o’ dog yure to top o’ mi’ throat,
- “Just leet that lantern,” he said wi’ a moan,
- “An’ go look for mi liver, it’s somewhere i’ th’ lone.”
- “Thou’s blue uns,” said Betty, “thou slotchin swet,
- “Thou’s left no brains i’ th’ lone Aw'll bet;
- “Where asto been, thou’s had summat Aw think?”
- “Aw have that, owd lass, Awm noan poorly wi’ drink,
- “For Aw’d nobbut one gill but Aw do feel sore,
- “It’s yon’ cur dog o’ Donty’s , thou’ll see yon’ no more.”
- “Has it bitten thee,” asked Bet, “somewhere to neet.”
- “It has that,” said Jamie, “an’ it’s bitten me reet.”
- “Thou mun summon owd Dont, an’ mak’ th’ devil pay,”
- “Nay owd Laddie’s done for, he’s out o’ th’ way.”
- “Asto dreawnt him, for it wur time yond should dee?”
- “We've hetten him,” said Jamie, “yon, Junter an’ me.”
- “Hetten him,” said Bet, “Aw never yerd sich a tale,
- “But foos like thee ’il! do owt when they’re i’ ale.”
- “He went deawn our necks but coom back some quick,
- “But there’s summat here yet for Aw do feel sick,
- “Awst ne’er get weel, Aw wish Aw’d ne’er been born,
- “Thou mun say Aw’d jondus if Awm deeud i’ th’ morn,
- “Ther'll be a rare din it'll be a country’s toak,
- “For yon’ devil, owd Dont. ’ill be tellin’ o’ th’ foak.”
- He’d neetmare for weeks he’d wacken an’ shout,
- “Get op wi’ thee, Bet, yon’ owd cur dog’s about,
- “It’s gone under th’ bed, Aw seed it just then.
- “If Donty should catch it he’ll boil it agen.”
- They ne’er seed a dog but it gave ’em a start,
- An’ very soon both wur heighvin’ at th’ heart;
- They cursed owd Donty an’ weel he got coad,
- When they’d left their dinner i’ th’ middle o’th road;
- They want no chep suppers just neaw yo’ can bet,
- It larnt ‘em a lesson they'll never forget;
- It cured those two an’ they get a bit wroth,
- If sumdy just mentions a bowl of dog broth.